October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month

If you don’t know that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month you must live in a closet and have someone slip you skinny meals under the door.  Every magazine I’ve read in the last two weeks has articles about breast cancer. How to figure out if you have it, what the risks are, whose had it and how they’re doing.  Commercials on the radio about the Making Strides against breast cancer walk in Boston this weekend. Even the discount kids  site – Zulily – today had kids shirts with the pink ribbon!  I’m happy that it gets lots of attention and I absolutely hope they find a cure – especially since my daughter will be high risk for breast cancer. Next year I’ll be walking and collecting money for research.

But this year I’d like to read a magazine for entertainment and not have it remind me that cancer is growing in my right breast! I think about it enough, I don’t need reminders.

Cassidy is going through an adjustment period with the move to the toddler room at school and the transition to one nap a day. She’s doing great and learning new things but she’s also tired and cranky. Frustrated that she’s talking but we don’t understand her. And the more tired she is the naughtier she is and the more she wants mommy to cuddle with her.  So the further disruption of mommy not being able to pick her up is bad timing. I’m sure we’ll manage but it’s one more thing I’m worrying about.

We don't know how strong we are until being strong is the only choice we have.

-unknown

Counting down

We love counting down to vacations at our house. I think Bill and I counted down to our honeymoon for months.  We'd email each other things like "2 months, 15 days until our vacation".  Then when we were on our honeymoon (and every vacation since then) we say to each other "Happy 2nd (or 3rd, 4th etc) day of vacation!"!  I think, most humans enjoy a happy countdown. Unfortunately you count down to bad things too and that's what I'm driving myself crazy with lately.

• 12 days until surgery
• 12 more days of picking up and squeezing this beautiful lady 

• 8 days until pre-op appointments
• 6 more days until we go to the Big E
• 1 more weekend of happy/healthy normal Sheryl
• 12 more hours until the knot in my stomach gets a little bigger (happens every day now)

I feel like I should be doing something.  But I don't know what the something is. Sitting around crying is not for me. I've thought about a support group but my life is so busy already - I don't want to take a second away from my life outside work for that. I guess I'll just continue on with business as usual. Work, exercise, errands, spending time with Cassidy, Bill and Jake and whoever else. 

And maybe figure out something BIG and GOOD to start counting down to. Right before all this boob lump stuff started I'd told a few friends that for my 40th birthday I wanted a weekend in the sun. Since Bill is allergic to that fiery ball in the sky (his words, not mine) I'm relying on friends to come with me. I don't care if I have no money and have to charge it (this is SHOCKING coming from me) but I am celebrating that birthday just how I want.  I think this week I'll start researching sunny destinations!  Get your passports ready girls :-)

I love my fridays off

Another long weekend for me haha
Since my diagnosis I haven't worked much on a Friday beyond occasionally checking my blackberry. It's really nice. Today Cassidy and I had a long lunch with a good friend. Then we took Jake to the vet for nail trimming.

Jake is loving our new screen door because he can lay down and look outside. The ultimate in lazy.

And yet, he's not too lazy when he's home alone, as this turned out to be the second day in a row he got diapers out of the garbage and shredded them all over Cassidy's room!  That's always nice to come home to.  I can never be mad at him though. The epilepsy medication made him do it :-)

Finally – Information

Well, it took seven phone calls and messages but I finally have information about appointments, forms etc.  My surgery is at Faulkner hospital in Jamaica Plain.  It’s in the afternoon (boo – not eating makes for a crabby Sheryl!). I have pre-op appointments earlier in the same week as my surgery and the form for my HR department is just waiting a signature and should be in the mail to me soon.

Also, the genetic counselor called with my results and I was negative for the BRCA gene. Which is great news for me and all those girls related to me J

I did some reading about choosing to do a bilateral mastectomy and not too many women regret doing it but quite a few regret not doing it due to having to get MRI’s and mammograms every 6 months to check the natural breast plus issues with symmetry. No matter what it’s a stinky situation and decision.

In the meantime I'm just waiting to have surgery. Which is not a fun thing to be waiting for and dreading all the time but I'm trudging along.

Go Patriots!

I went to my first Patriots game last night! And what a great game! Bill and I had so much fun and it was worth every penny!
We had a nice day Saturday also at Bill's company picnic.
I love weekends like that!  Happy memories to carry me through the work week.

Waiting

I am not a patient person.

I am not good at waiting.

I recognize and acknowledge my faults. But I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want  to know what time I’m having surgery on the 7^th so I can tell my sister what time to watch Cassidy. And where I’m having surgery (Brigham & Womens or Faulkner)?  When and where is my pre-operative appointment that they mentioned to me on the 6^th (“oh we’ll call you back with a date”). Have they filled out my FMLA paperwork so I can get that to HR?

Why won’t anyone call me back when I leave messages on all the phone #’s that go right to voice mail? If I did that at work I wouldn’t have a job (ok, that’s not true but I have a unique work situation where I could probably smoke crack at lunch and not get fired).

I’m getting frustrated and none of this gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling about my surgery and treatment. My mom has been telling people that Dana Farber was so organized and that impressed me because I’m so organized.  Well, that ship has sailed.

Maybe they’re used to dealing with older women who don’t need to set up a babysitter and aren’t busy at work with meetings that its difficult to cancel.  This is really  stressing me out!

Grammi & Grampi's cottage

My nephews have always called my parents camp their "cottage" so that's what we'll call it for Cassidy too. And that's where we were this past weekend - me, Cass & Jake anyway. Cassidy went on her first boat ride and attempted to eat an ear of corn. Nice weekend!

my parents have never heard of sunscreen!